No Time to Release – Parody or Parade? Only Time Will Tell

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum, We Smell the Scent of Procrastination

2020 has seen no end to announcements that our favorite most-anticipated movies are getting delayed, again, and again, and again. Cinema halls and stage-play theatres seem to be going the way of the dinosaurs. Facing potential ‘extinction’ due to the Wuhan virus pandemic, what will the future hold for entertainment?

Streaming seems to be the best path so far. Giants like Netflix, Hulu, Dinsey+, HBO Max, Peacock TV, Amazon Prime, and several more OTT platforms are laying claim to a field of entertainment that’s been forcefully evacuated since the COVID-19 virus came on the scene early this year.

Speaking of dinosaurs, it’s only fitting to share the most recent poster and updates on the latest installment in the Jurassic franchise. “Jurassic World: Dominion” (JWD) has met with some on-set production issues. Three guesses as to what happened. Just like a certain scare surrounding Robert Pattinson on the sets of Matt Reeves’ “Batman”, a handful of coronavirus positive tests has temporarily halted filming for JWD.

When Dinosaurs…Did Not Rule On Time

Re-mark your calendars for 10^th June 2022, because that’s the new release date for “Jurassic World: Dominion”. Universal Pictures and director Colin Trevorrow both shared updates via their Twitter handles, namely a knockout poster that dragged us all back to the sentimental 90s. One look at the ‘new’ poster took us down memory lane, reminding us of corona-free times and when “Jurassic Park” ruled the box office in 1993.

Trevorrow’s online post aligns perfectly with the fears that cropped up surrounding coronavirus scares on set. “For the past three months, I’ve worked with an extraordinary cast and crew on a film we can’t wait to share with the world. Even though we’ll have to wait a bit longer, it will all be worth it. Let’s stay healthy and take care of each other until then.”

The sixth movie in a gilded lineup that has been going strong for twenty-seven years, “Dominion” promises star-studded cast performances from yesteryear favorites like Laura Dern, Sam Neill, and Jeff Goldblum. Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard will be reprising their roles.

Ever since ‘Jurassic World’ (grossing $1.6 billion worldwide) took over from the storyline of ‘Jurassic Park’, there has been no end to the Dinosaur-centric thrills and chills that the world got to enjoy. The sequel “Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom” (grossing around $1.3 billion worldwide) also gave us unforgettable screen moments.

Looks like “Dominion” has big dino paw-prints to fill, but we feel it may surpass the success of its predecessors. What now, you may ask. Now, we wait.

“What’s Wrong, Mr.Bond? Cat Got Your Tongue?”

Source: “No Time to Die” EON production

No, the coronavirus did. Looks like dinosaurs aren’t the only ones taking a step back from anticipated theatre releases. The latest movie in the James Bond franchise has been giving meme-creators a run for their wit.

“No Time To Die”? ‘No time to release’, more like it. Repeated delays have plagued this movie, much like it has several other films outside the privileged halls of Hollywood. The new date for the 25^th movie in the Bond franchise has been shifted to 2^nd April 2021.

This film is going to be Daniel Craig’s swansong, his final farewell to the suit and gadgetry of James Bond, a role previously perfected by the likes of Sean Connery, Roger Moore, and Pierce Brosnan (to name a few).

The main soundtrack for the movie has constantly been running rounds in all our heads. Billie Eilish’s take on classic ‘Bond-style theme songs’ left us speechless and desperate for the movie. The audio was released early in the promotion run for “No Time To Die”, and the video song version came out just days ago. Be sure to give it a listen if you haven’t already.

We’re all just as eager to see what Oscar winner Rami Malek has done with the main villain role. He plays Safin and, if the promo photos are anything to go by, Rami looks like he is going to nail another unforgettable performance. His earlier portrayal of Queen band leads vocalist Freddie Mercury had millions of us gobsmacked and dancing to the music of our youth.

“Waiter! There’s A Bat in My Matrix”

Source: “The Batman” Warner Bros

Even 2021 seems to have become a no-go for Warner Bros. Studios. Matt Reeves’ “Batman” will see Robert Pattinson donning the ultra-popular ebony cape of justice. This highly anticipated movie may be taking us all back to the ‘early days’ of Batsie, Catwoman, and the rest of the gang, but we’re going to have to wait until 4^th March 2022, to catch them all on the big screen.

The young ‘Caped Crusader’ will be seen alongside Zoë Kravitz who seems all set to give Catwoman an original twist | Colin Farrell playing the dratted Penguin | Paul Dano as the insufferable Riddler | John Turturro as the ruthless Gotham crime boss | Jeffrey Wright as the commissioner who has to counter them all | and Andy Serkis slipping into the ever-present role of Alfred Pennyworth.

There is no glitch in the Matrix here, folks, just a plain new-fangled plague called COVID-19 that is not in the mood to let go of its bone. Director Lana Wachowski shared online statements and sentiments concerning “Matrix 4”. The sci-fi thriller is going to bring back Keanu Reeves and Carrie-Anne Moss (duh!). However, (whew, finally some good news, am I right?) instead of making everyone wait until 1^st April 2022, we’re all going to choose between the red and blue pill on 22^nd December 2021.

This is no glitch, we repeat, this is no glitch. But it is most certainly déjà vu, owing to how many movies are being forced to sit on the sidelines until the Wuhan virus has enjoyed playing Godzilla on yet another Tokyo rampage. Speaking of, Netflix has greenlighted a new anime series for Gojira and you can stream it sometime in 2021.

“Hey DC & Marvel Universes! I Can’t See You Over The Tops Of All These… Dunes”

Source: “Dunes” Warner Bros

Technically, it’s the other way around. There are so many DC and Marvel titles lined up for release that they’re practically causing a traffic jam. Talk about messing with the Universe’s Timeline. Even the Flash can’t compete with the havoc that this virus has been causing for the past – how long has it been again?

Ezra Miller’s “The Flash” has slowed down rather drastically. We’ll only be seeing him in his new suit in theatres on 4^th November 2022. Below is a verified list of all Marvel and DC’s upcoming releases, courtesy of Variety magazine. We’re getting 12 superhero movies over the next 16 months. Pfft, what else have we got to do, eh?

March 19, 2021: “Morbius” (Sony Pictures)
May 7, 2021: “Black Widow” (Marvel Studios)
June 25, 2021: “Venom: Let There Be Carnage” (Sony Pictures)
July 9, 2021: “Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings” (Marvel Studios)
Aug 6, 2021: “The Suicide Squad” (DC Films)
Nov 5, 2021: “Eternals” (Marvel Studios)
Dec 17, 2021: Untitled “Spider-Man: Far From Home” sequel (Sony Pictures and Marvel Studios)
Feb 11, 2022: “Thor: Love and Thunder” (Marvel Studios)
March 4, 2022: “The Batman” (DC Films)
March 25, 2022: “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness” (Marvel Studios)
May 6, 2022: “Black Panther II” (Marvel Studios)
July 8, 2022: “Captain Marvel 2” (Marvel Studios

There’s no word on when “Black Adam”, starring the evergreen Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson, is going to come out. Much the same can be said for the seventh “Mission: Impossible” film and the third “Fantastic Beasts” title. Talk about a ‘calendar vacation’, jeez! “Black Panther II” is going to prove interesting now that Chadwick Boseman is no longer in the picture. Rest in Power, T’Challa.

Meanwhile, Denis Villeneuve’s “Dune” (a promising remake of the original, which came out in 1984) will be hitting theatres on 1^st October 2021. This movie, like its original, is based on Frank Herbert’s 1965 novel. The cast includes stellar talents like Timothée Chalamet, Zendaya, Josh Brolin, Rebecca Ferguson, and Oscar Isaac.

Keep your lasso of truth ready and adjust your battle armor, because let’s hope that at least “Wonder Woman 1984”, directed by Patty Jenkins, actually releases on 25^th December 2020. Patty said it best in one of her online posts: “Because I know how important it is to bring this movie to you on a big screen when all of us can share the experience together, I’m hoping you won’t mind, waiting just a little bit longer. With the new date on Christmas Day, we can’t wait to spend the holidays with you!” Here’s wishing us all a Wonderful Christmas and a COVID-free New Year.

It’s The End of Reliable Theatre Calendars As We Know It

Clear all your previous calendar entries, people! If you haven’t guessed so far into the article, every date here mentioned is new. We’d like to affectionately call them ‘delayed dates’, but you’re free to get creative and vent your frustration in the comments.

While theatre owners and distributors are worth feeling sad for in these dark times, let’s all take a moment of silence for the VFX teams who are going to feel the true pinch of pressure amidst the madness of all these release delays.

A whopping 50+ entertainment titles have heard different variations of the phrase, ‘Patience, little grasshopper.’ Below is a comprehensive list of new release dates, courtesy of Gamespot. We attempted to avoid repeats, so please do leave us a 5-star rating for that. Also, if some of these numbers are wrong, we beg pardon. In our defense, nobody truly knows what’s going on anymore. 2020 is practically the ‘Twilight Zone’.

Welcome!

A Quiet Place Part II – April 23, 2021
Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway – January 25, 2021
Antlers – February 19, 2021
The New Mutants – August 28, 2020
Spiral: From the Book of Saw – May 21, 2021
Candyman – Sometime in 2021
Soul – November 20, 2020
In the Heights – June 18, 2021
Top Gun: Maverick – July 2, 2021
Free Guy – December 11, 2020
Minions: The Rise of Gru – July 2, 2021
Ghostbusters: Afterlife – March 5, 2021
The Forever Purge – July 9, 2021
Tenet – August 26, 2020 (Hey look, we ‘reversed time’ to share this point)
Jungle Cruise – July 30, 2021
The French Dispatch – Unknown (not creepy at all…)
Infinite – May 28, 2021
Without Remorse – February 26, 2021
The Many Saints of Newark – March 12, 2021
Last Night in Soho – April 23, 2021
Bios – April 16, 2021
Halloween Kills – October 15, 2021
Eternals – November 5, 2021
Godzilla vs. Kong – May 21, 2020
Raya and the Last Dragon – March 12, 2021
The Tomorrow War – July 23, 2021
Uncharted – July 16, 2021
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness – March 25, 2022
Untitled Elvis Presley biopic – November 5, 2021
Halloween Ends – October 14, 2022
Shazam! Fury of the Gods – June 2, 2023
Avatar 2 – December 16, 2022
Avatar 3 – December 20, 2024
Avatar 4 – December 18, 2026
Avatar 5 – December 22, 2028
Untitled Star Wars movie – December 22, 2023
Oh look, another Untitled Star Wars movie – December 29, 2025
Just when you thought you wouldn’t see another Untitled Star Wars movie – December 17, 2027